SHE

 

She was walking along the beach and the waves were gently touching her feet. They were in no rush and so was she.  Her hair was swaying with the cool breeze and her face was shining in the warm sunrays falling from behind the blue clouds. She usually hums her favorite tunes when she is out in nature enjoying herself. Somehow, she is quiet today. She seems to be lost in her thoughts, occasionally looking around to see if anybody is swimming in the water. After a while, she decided to take a nice swim as the tides picked up a little pace. She always enjoyed swimming against the tide and being pushed by them towards the shore. She felt quite relaxed as she was gently cradled by the waves. She was floating on the sea, literally and metaphorically. For a few moments, she fell asleep. She didn’t notice that a huge wave was fast approaching her. By the time she realized the wave rush and she could turn over, she was engulfed in it and was pushed further inside the sea. She couldn’t catch her breath and she immediately woke up in panic and opened her eyes. She felt quite heavy in her chest and sighed in relief and murmured to herself “Ughh…not again! What the hell was I doing sleeping in the sea anyways!” She rolled over, taking the pillow over her head and tried falling asleep again. The details of the dream were becoming loud and clear in her mind. She was trying hard to not think about the dream and what it meant but the more she tried, the more she was stressing about the dream. She is partly conscious analyzing the details of her dream and partly asleep falling into another dream. She is seeing and thinking about all kinds of things with no order whatsoever. She was at sea preparing her business pitch for her afternoon meeting. She was suddenly flying towards her high school with her laptop bag on and she was feeling lighter and lighter. She occasionally flew downwards towards the earth to gain more thrust and fly further higher. She landed in a strange place, but her mother was cooking some food to take for her grandfather who passed away a few years ago. She was so happy to see him, and she was talking to him fondly. She rolled over again, and she told herself, “Areeey! Grandpa is no more, and am I dreaming again? Will this stupid mind shut down and let me sleep peacefully?”. She reached out to her mobile phone to check the time. It was 4:30 AM. She set her alarm to wake up around 6:30 AM in the morning and she realized she had two more hours to sleep. She dozed off again and after a while, she felt the pressure to relieve herself and she had to go and use the toilet. She couldn’t get up. She just stood there trying to control herself. She didn’t want to go because the toilet was not clean. She was irritated. The urge to relieve herself got intense and she started running helter-skelter in search of a clean toilet. She ran towards the sea again and a police patrol car nearby saw her and started ringing the siren and announcing she should not move any further. She kept going further and further into the water and the siren kept ringing louder and louder. She couldn’t hold herself anymore and she suddenly woke up to realize it was 6:30 AM and she really had to get up and pee. She shut the alarm and her train of thoughts to start her day as usual.

 

Just the way I like me

I am breaking down my dear.

I am falling apart. 

I am picking up the broken pieces.

And I am stringing them together

By their loose ends.

I am laying an outline again.

Just the way you like me.

But I see no life dear.

I see no smile and no cheer.

I got colours and I got a brush.

And I am painting stroke by stroke, 

To fill the empty outline. 

I am completing the picture again.

Just the way I like me. 

Kranthi

A hypocritical and unfair appeal to sexual morality

In an incident in Kerala, a high school has suspended a class XII boy and a class XI girl for hugging in public after her performance in a competition. A legal tussle followed with the intervention of the Kerala State Commission for Protection of Child Rights (CPCR) which recommended the school to readmit the boy. The School authorities moved the Kerala High Court questioning the capacity of the Kerala State CPCR to intervene in the disciplinary matters of the school. Justice Shaji P. Chaly who heard the proceedings has passed the judgment upholding the ultimate authority of the school to maintain its discipline and moral order on 12^th December 2017.

The objective of this article, however, is not to get into the legal aspect of the rights of the school and the CPCR. It is to expose the hypocrisy of the society around the interactions of teenagers of the opposite gender under the mask sewed out of constricted notions of sexual morality. It is interesting to find that all the parties involved in the case despite arguing for different ends, share a unique belief that romantic involvement is ‘immoral.’  A critical analysis of the arguments made by petitioners, respondents and the Justice of the Kerala High Court himself as laid out in the judgment serves the objective.

All hell broke loose when the boy hugged the girl in front of other students and teachers as a congratulatory gesture. The teacher who has witnessed has submitted that “she was shocked to see the incident, and she has not experienced any such public display of affection.” Not surprisingly, the school authorities also condemned the action as ‘immoral’ and deemed it fit to punish the students by asking them not to attend the school henceforth. In an egoistic attempt to establish an evidence of romantic involvement, the school authorities went to the extent of stalking their Instagram accounts by invading their privacy. It is disappointing to find Mr. Justice himself endorsing the allegations of obscenity in the pictures. To quote, “I find that various photographs were posted in the Instagram in various compromising positions…”

On the other hand, the counter-arguments reflect no different morals. The boy’s father has submitted to the court that “there was no evil intention or any other design on his part, apart from congratulating her.” Though the Kerala state CPCR condemns the claims of obscenity in the pictures and defends the students’ right to privacy, it stands in no different position. The following statement is indicative of that: “the pictures were...further not visited with any bad intentions or motives, but again captured in a very conducive and peaceful atmosphere.” The intention here refers to the intent of romantic involvement.

Besides, at the heart of the sexual morality lie the stakes of reputation and public shame. One of the principal grounds that the Kerala State CPCR has invoked in its recommendation to the school has been that the “parents suffered…ignominy.” Mr. Justice also believes that the pictures “tarnish the reputation” of the boy and the girl and “if it had the effect of publicity, the issue definitely hampers the reputation of the school.” The judgment also says “there can be no doubt that such incidents can disturb parents and the students of the school and even the public at large.” The boldness of the students has indeed outraged the sexual morality of the hypocrites.

This incident exposes the hostile and stressful environment in which the teenagers of the opposite gender are forced to interact with each other. Many schools do not even allow boys and girls to talk to each other. In another incident in Kerala, a girl was made to sit with boys as a punishment. She was teased and embarrassed by other students. When her elder sister questioned it, the teachers shouted at her which has led to her committing suicide. This gender segregation breeds fear and hypocrisy among the students. Such an atmosphere creates enormous stress for the teenagers who start experiencing drastic changes in their biology and emotional needs. They enter into frequent conflicts with parents. Hence, understanding teachers and peers form the source of comfort. It is also necessary to impart rigorous sex education. In an essay on ‘The taboo on sex knowledge,’ Bertrand Russell writes “ignorance on such matters is harmful to the individual, and therefore no system whose perpetuation demands such ignorance can be desirable….sexual morality…must…commend itself to well-informed persons and not to depend upon ignorance for its appeal.”

I shall extend my argument one step further and claim that it is high time Indian society should provide a healthy and conducive atmosphere for the teenagers to discover their sexuality and romantic desires. Professor Wyndol Furman in the Psychology department at Denver University, argues that teenagers find positive emotionality only with the opposite gender. Romantic involvement at this stage forms a fundamental step in the construction of their identity, self-esteem, and confidence. Often, lack of such experiences directly affects an individual’s sexual practices in the adult stage. Russell in fact, mentions an instance where a sexually inexperienced individual cannot distinguish between sex-hunger and love, and this has dangerous consequences to their emotional vulnerability and commitments.

In light of this discussion, it is horrendous to see that the judgment, in this case, recommends the school to consider imposing a fine on the boy’s parents so that it can act as a “deterrent to the students, and a precaution to avoid similar incidents.” This regressive verdict is a wakeup call to all of us to recognize the adolescent needs and spread awareness about it. Teenage stress due to moral policing in educational institutions and families need urgent attention.

A letter to my dearest father!

Dear Dad,

Do you remember giving me some postcards when you left me at the boarding school when I was eleven? You told me about the exchange of letters between Jawaharlal Nehru and Indira Gandhi and inspired me to write regularly. I can imagine how eager you must have been to know how I was growing up and how my personality was evolving. You have always complained the frequency of my letters have come down since I was thirteen and gradually stopped with access to telephones. After a long time, I feel the need to write to you about the conflict between our views with respect to solo travel, which I suppose is partly due to generational gap and partly due to gender difference.

Every child thinks her father is the best and so do I. But, what distinguishes you from most other Indian middle-class fathers is your ideology, a concrete understanding of socio-political issues, and your outlook towards individual freedom. Unlike many parents who urge their children to stay away from student politics, you have encouraged my sister and me to engage actively. While a typical Indian parent is expected to object to the daughter’s choice of life partner, your value system has bestowed upon us the freedom to choose our partners irrespective of class, caste, and religion. As you have always believed the best gift parents can ever give their children is good quality education, neither distance nor gender constrained you ever in sending us to boarding schools or colleges far away from home.

Of the many fears held by the parents of a girl, who steps out of home for education or work, the biggest fear is that of physical abuse and molestation. The ultimate consequence of such fears is the restriction of the movement of the girl. Most parents give in to the fear of ‘external circumstances’ rather than helping the girl to muster strength and courage to confront such circumstances. I am thankful that mom and you stand different from this lot, not because you do not have these fears, but because you have decided to break out of these fears and let your daughters enjoy their freedom.

You have always been a very possessive and protective father. I know you are always alert whenever I go to a movie or restaurant late in the night or travel alone. You have a disturbed sleep till you get that ‘Reached safe’ message or call. Though you have sometimes objected to my trips with friends during under-graduation, as I grew up and gained financial independence, you have never objected me to travel anywhere with my friends. You have never restricted me from going to any conferences or seminars anywhere in India or outside even if it is full of strangers. You ensure I travel in AC compartments during long solo journeys even if it is expensive. You ensure I stay in a safe place with my friends or family or secure official accommodation. 

But, now, when I want to travel solo to a new place where I do not know anybody and where you do not have any information about my place of stay, you have out rightly rejected. You have become so upset and anxious that you did not even want to have a discussion with me on that topic. You said I have become crazy and I do not understand the social reality that it is unsafe for women to travel alone to unknown places. When I insisted that I shall go despite your objection, your blood pressure increased, and you became extremely angry at me and at mom and sister for supporting me.

Dad, this is where you and I differ in two ways. Firstly, you still look at me as an innocent young girl who is merely excited about a fancy idea and does not consider the risky part of it. In a heated argument, you mentioned I have an entire lifetime to visit all these places, and I can wait till I have some company. But, you are ignoring that I am twenty-seven years old, and I am a research scholar. It is the prime time of my youth and education, and I want to experience the World in my way, even if it has no immediate academic purpose. 

Secondly, I feel it is necessary for every woman to experience solo travel to an unknown place to explore herself. It gives her an opportunity to know what her fears, weaknesses or strengths are. It is a great opportunity where a woman learns how to protect herself from unforeseen circumstances and how to be responsible towards herself. The sense of pride and satisfaction that follows such a trip will be indescribable. Please note that if your heart beats faster when we are alone, our hearts beat the fastest. But, only we can change this situation with some calculated risks.

If the first disagreement arises from the generational difference between a protective father who thinks the daughter is still not mature enough or grown-up enough; the second disagreement arises due to our gender differences. You can only sympathize with a woman, but you can never empathize with her. Did you even think for a moment why mom and sister immediately agreed to my idea of a solo-travel? It is simply because they have never done that before and they like that idea. Most women in this country have never taken some time off their daily routine and traveled solo just for the sake of traveling. All I have to urge you and other Indian fathers is not to make it hard for your daughter or wife to travel solo even when we are adults. Instead, help us in planning a safe travel.

Dad, you have been the most loving and progressive father any daughter could wish. I want you to take one more step. I know you have a problem with the idea of solo-travel itself be it a boy or a girl and you do not find it fun or see any purpose in such vacation. The point is if I feel like just packing my bag and go somewhere for a couple of days, even if I don't have a company, I should have that freedom and choice to decide. You may express your fears, concerns or ideologies but you should not bind my legs with them. I do not wish to grow as a Bonsai plant in a garden pot, but, I wish to grow like a wild and free banyan tree that stands wide and tall.

Before I end, here are some of my favorite lines from Bob Dylan’s song for you and other parents:

“Come mothers and fathers throughout the land

And don’t criticize what you can’t understand

Your sons and daughters are beyond your command

Your old road is aging.

Please get out of the new one

If you can’t lend your hand

For the times they are a-changing.”

Your loving daughter,

Kranthi

Sexual morality inside the four walls.

A critical review of the short film ‘God, Sex, and Truth inside the Four Walls’.

God, Sex, and Truth - A philosophical treatise of Mia Malkova, an American porn star, directed by Ram Gopal Varma is a landmark film that breaks the uncomfortable silence around sexuality of a woman. It is a bold and beautiful attempt to expose the web of complexities woven by sex, morality, and religion around a female’s body and her sexual pleasure. The objective of the film is to establish two points. Firstly sex and power are equally the central drivers of civilization. “A human body is designed for several functions including sexual desire” and “sex is an important part of feeling life.” Secondly, the focus of the film is to posit a woman’s sexual liberty as the bedrock of a free society. The nineteen-minute short film tries to present the philosophical perspective of Mia on sex and morality. Most quotes in this treatise are predominantly from the Western philosophers such as Freud, Kendal, etc.

The trailer and the movie has stirred a lot of controversies over the nudity, the choice of a porn star and the intent of the director RGV. Let us for the moment set aside criticisms of RGV’s personality and focus on the content. God, sex, and truth (GST) takes one through the the discomfort and tension at the sight of a nude female body in a fashion never witnessed before to the intense feelings of desire, passion, and power of a woman. We find a female body unfold itself fearless and guilt-free. The criticism of obscenity fails to stand here because nudity is central to the objective of the film. Nudity has always been a part of artist’s creativity and freedom of expression. What becomes important is to represent female nudity in an empowered way as seen through the eyes of sexually liberated men and woman and not through the eyes of lust. GST certainly does justice to this aspect.

Interlinked to the debate is the question if GST is pornography. The objective of porn is to stimulate an instinct sexual emotion and pleasure and clearly, that is not what GST aims. This question wouldn’t have arisen in the first place if Mia was not a porn star. But, a lot in this context depends on the intent of the viewer. One public review on GST on IMDB says “it's just 19 minutes of unadulterated XXX clip with Philosophy of sex. My suggestion .. google Mia Malkova for better options than to watch GST!”.  So, in a sexually traditional, conservative and patriarchal society like ours, lack of an understanding of a woman’s sexuality and her biological needs is at the core of widespread insensitivity to the content. Shushing the matters under the carpet can never be a solution. Sex education is need of the hour which even helps adolescents who encounter nudity, sex or porn to stay informed and handle their sexuality maturely. 

One must also appreciate the director’s choice of shooting inside the house and the bathroom. This made me wonder about the consciousness of a woman in her private space and the most uncomfortable silence around a woman’s masturbation.  Another user review on IMDB says “If you take one's pervertness and see the movie, its absolute nonsense. Which women bath and makes those faces while doing so? It looks like one just made the movie based on the sexuality perceived from watching porn movies.” Interestingly, both the reviewers are men and they can be taken as a proxy for the majority who are clueless about a woman’s orgasm and pleasure in sex. Even more unfortunate is the thought that such natural expressions are found only in the porn world. Probably, this is why Mia says “until there is an alternate sexual celebration,” only porn world gives her that freedom. GST is not arguing being a porn star is the liberation, though it clearly misses to explicitly hit at larger social issues of women trafficking or propagation of male aggression in porn industry. But it sure pushes us to acknowledge the increasing population of female porn consumers. Where are all these women? Inside their four walls. 

One should see Mia as just any woman who is free to let herself flow with nature. This is an important reminder to any society that dictates a woman how to sit, stand, walk, smile, and behave in bed. We have not moved any farther from the mainstream movies which depict a shy woman on her first night waiting for the man to follow his lead or those that depict a woman who takes the lead as a slut or a spoilt brat on alcohol and drugs. Sexual desires of a woman are considered impure and suppressed. The film rightly points that “force of body, mind, and guilt” have been used to achieve subordination to restrictions imposed by morality and religion. Mia also challenges the institutions of marriage, monogamy and family and therefore it is only logical that most women and men who believe in these institutions are in disagreement with her views and find GST farfetched. A missing picture of how Mia meets her emotional and social needs and how she understands love, companionship, and reproduction leaves us with almost nothing to infer about alternative institutions. But the point about an unequal repression of a man’s and a woman’s sexuality within the existing institutions is well made.

The polarity in the reception of GST cannot be ignored. Though IMDB ratings are not sacrosanct and reflect the opinions of only a certain class, out of a total of 271 reviews, 98 users rated it ten stars and 60 rated it one star. It would have been interesting to know the gender-wise and geography-wise distribution. The issues GST choose to raise are not without consequences to dating and marriage, especially in the contemporary world. The problems and frustration couples face in the matters of sex not being able to express each other what they want or having misconceptions and wrong expectations from the partners is a serious issue. It is unfair to not mention single mothers and widows who are the victims of moral judgements. Thus, the ‘accepted limits’ morality imposes on the sexuality of a woman inside and outside marriage are harmful to both men, women and society at large.

Though GST seems very much rooted in Western cultural values, we must acknowledge that the basic needs of a human body do not differ across cultures. One must address the question why does it offend us when a naked woman talks about how she enjoys sex. It is about time to bring to light the philosophy of sexuality in Asian cultures and critically review it. God, Sex, and truth is just an attempt to scratch the surface of a more complex phenomena and there is a lot more to accomplish.

The Empty Pages

Sitting inside the glass doors
Wishing to change the world
Reading books and poems
I'm deeply moved and enraged.
I read hundreds more and
Shall write another of my own.

But, reminds me a dear friend,
I'll be locked in a comfort zone
If I don't set my feet on the ground
I'll utter verses blind of reality.
If I don't escape from my elitist mind
I'll fill pages that’ll still be empty.

-Kranthi

04/06/17

The Burnout

I step out of my room

Fresh like a delicate bloom

Covered from top to toe

In the cotton and linen glow.

Its noon! The Sun has risen tall

And I resort to my parasol

Cursing the summer unfolding

Wiping away the sweat sighing.

As I slowly walk ahead

The Sun is blazing red and red

 I hear the concrete-mixer grind

Barefooted someone I find.

Dark, fragile, drenched in sweat

On the searing sand they are set.

I raise my canopy to peek out

And I see a fifty more burnout.

-          -Kranthi

       29/04/2017